Tuesday, June 11, 2013

“I want to enjoy the beaches of Goa”: LK Advani’s Fake Letter To Rajnath Singh Ji

Dear Rajnath Ji,

I am writing this letter to say something which Indian media has missed. Please do not think I am going to join any media house now. No, never. I just want to say that it’s been too long a time since I had a decent vacation in Goa. I want to go to Goa without any responsibilities. I want to enjoy the beaches of Goa. So kindly accept my resignation and relieve me from all duties. Ah, the same duties which I was not performing anyway.

I am deeply grieved Rajnath Ji. You came out in press and said that I will not come to Goa because of health issues! Do you know I was packing my bags when I saw this on India TV? They were asking me “Kyaa Aapko pata hai Advani ko kyaa rog hai?” And somebody tweeted instantly “Advani ko ishaq rog hai!” Do you have any idea that I had got new trousers and Tees for the vacation? And Ishaq rog? Somebody retweeted saying “Kursi ka Ishaq hai.”

Now let me clarify to you Rajnath ji. I do not have any ambition of any higher post. I have got more than what I deserved. True that. More than what I deserved. But this is what I think. I never thought of becoming Prime Minister of this country. Never. It’s just that I always liked this word “Prime Minister”. That is the reason why I called myself Deputy Prime Minister when Atal Ji was the Prime Minister. There is something to this word. I guess the new kid (who was no one when I was Deputy Prime Minister) also has a secret fascination for the word. But I do not have any problem with this kid. He is doing some good work. We must let him do good work. But could he not have suggested my name for at least CM of Gujarat? After all he is leaving the post, right?

But you all thought “how can I accept the CM post”. Ah, you should have asked me at least. Did I prove to be a lesser Hindutva in 1992? How can you forget my Rath Yatras? And this kid performed few Gaurav Yatras and you made him the most important figure in the party? Okey, can we discuss about Sports Minister? See, in 2009 during the Lok Sabha election campaigns I even went to a gymnasium to prove that I am still young. Do not say you do not remember it! I even performed few exercises with heavy weights (Okey, kindly Google this). Let me share a secret, it was because of that exercise that I am unwell these days. But I understood what sports is all about. See if there is a possibility…

Let me come to the point again. I am not interested in any post. But you should have asked me. You can speak well, and I have severe throat problem (all those mimic artists know this and only you BJP people ignore this!). You should have asked.

Anyway, let me come to the point again. I am not interested in any post in the country.

I was thinking about an old game I used to play when I was a child. We used to call it Chuppan-Chupaai. I do not know what Atal Ji calls it. But the idea is that we used to hide and wait for friends to search for us. I tried that with you people. But no one, mind you Rajnath Ji, no one came to rescue me. I almost cried. But then I thought no one in the party (including me) cares about Atal Ji. Then why shall anybody care about me! But your laid back attitude ruined my Goa trip! Now the MakeMyTrip fellows are not returning my cancellation fee. Do you have any idea how much it hurts? It hurts severely.

Anyway, let me comeback to the point. I am sending you the resignation because I am not interested in any post in the party.

Last weekend I was talking to Uma Ji. She assured me that I will be the next PM. I was puzzled and asked her, what does she mean by PM. She started laughing and said “Puppet Minister”. I mean do I look like a puppet by any standard? These fellows who call themselves part of the Advani Team have started making fun of me! Ridiculous!

Let me also ask you why are you so disturbed these days? Is Gadkari Ji or the fellows from RSS giving you so many calls? I can understand. But this means you can be the next PM- Puppet Minister. Ha Ha Ha. (Sorry for my dry sense of humor).

Anyway, let me comeback to the point. I am sending you the resignation because I am not interested in any post in the party, because you fellows are not going to give me any post in the nation.

Yours and Only Yours (not of that new kid on the block),

Lal Krishna Advani

This article was first published in Youth Ki Awaaz under Pun Intended on June 10, 2013

No comments:

Post a Comment