Tuesday, June 11, 2013

“Now Stop Creating Drama. We Have A Smarty From Gujarat For That”: Rajnath’s Fake Letter To Advani

Dear Advani Ji,

What did you do? I understand what you mean when you say you do not want any post in the party. Everybody in BJP and RSS understands that. But why did you post the letter on Social Media platforms? See, it is simple. You need to post letters to me. It will take some time from you busy (hahaha) schedule, but that is how it is supposed to be done. Open letters are meant for the morons looking for fun on internet. Not for serious people like you and me. I do not know about you, but I am really serious.

Coming straight to the point, I cannot accept your resignation.

See it is simple. Our party needs somebody who can take all the jokes from media and still do not utter a word. You have a serious throat problem na, that’s perfect for us! I cannot rely on Uma Ji for this (Very aggressive lady she is no!). Atal Ji was apt for this. But for some unknown reason he is not accepting my phone calls these days. You are the proud Laksman of the party. You need to take this responsibility so that we can concentrate on more serious work.

And why are you angry on the Goa issue? We can arrange a free Goa tour for you now. See, we are in power in the state. If you are free in the month of July- of course you are- then you can have a Panjim Rath Yatra. Please do not make it a political Yatra, just a tour on the Rath around the beaches. Do not worry. Your new Tees and Pyjamas will be used perfectly.

And do not repeat that this is not the same BJP as it was before. It was not the same when you were the Deputy Prime Minister. But because you had a post you did not lament. Now stop creating drama. We have a smart kid from Gujarat for that.

I understand what you must be going through. I remember one incident from school. During recess I used to go to the ground with my classmates and eat potato sabzi every day. One day my friends brought Paneer sabzi and did not take me with them. When people asked them where Raju was, they said, “He is unwell and will join shortly.” Meanwhile they finished the Paneer sabzi. I know you can relate to this incident. But do not worry; I have got some Paneer sabzi left for you. I request you to stay in the party because you do not have much option.

Yours and also of the new kid on the block,

Rajnath Singh

P.S: I just had a call from Bhagwat Ji. He has asked me not to accept the resignation. He will be calling you shortly. Kindly accept his call and do not speak much. He is really annoyed.

This article was first published in Youth Ki Awaaz under Pun Intended on June 11, 2013

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