Sir,
I am one of the millions of
Indians for whom you have always fought in your newsroom studio with the
profound words together- ‘The nation wants to know!’. I was never able to
comprehend how you came to know what does nation wants to know sitting in your
newsroom studio. But then I was enlightened by an ardent Arnab Goswami fan who
argued that “Saar knows everything and he is the baast”. I had no other option
but to believe him. He even argued that you are the ‘baast paatriaat’ in the
country. And at a time when the entire paid Indian media is engrossed in
mundane issues, you are the only person to make Pakistan, Bangladesh and
Naxalism the biggest issue, with sure solution to them.
I had to agree with my friend. I was
under the impression that our civil societies and the government are trying to
establish cordial relation with Pakistan. But you, Saar you, made me realize
that we are already on the verge of war. Kindly allow me to correct my sentence
(I know you do not allow people to finish their sentence, let alone correct it)
- we are already at war with Pakistan. Believe me, I just watched Newshour on
Times Now on the issue of Sarabjit’s case. I was moved by your arguments. You
made sure that this was the right time to humiliate those bloody Pakistanis and
discuss every issue with them- Kasab, beheading of Indian soldiers, our prisons
are better, we spent more money on Kasab, our biryani is better, our paneer
tikka is great, and what not. Bravo! Oh, sorry sir. Last two points were made
by my girlfriend (But it does not matter. She is also an ardent Arnab Goswami
fan). Coming back to the point, this was the correct time. And I was glad that
you had also not invited the relevant people from Pakistan’s side for the debate,
otherwise they would have come up with some Anti-India bullshit. All crap. Oh,
I am so sorry! Kindly allow me to correct my sentence (I know asking to correct
my sentences repeatedly would have been the bigger sin than Laden’s attack on
USA). You had called a relevant person, whose microphone was kept mute for half
the show. Let me tell you, he was looking funny. I remember even you had a
smile on your face before you asked his microphone’s volume to be reduced in
your studio. Bravo!
I know why you call at least 6
people for a panel discussion for a show which is just 60 minutes long and has
40 minutes of your profound speech (including advertisements). You want more
people to learn from you, right? And what can be a better place than your
newsroom studio. But sir, why do you call the show ‘Newshour’, when you are
allegedly discussing? That can be 'Discus-Hour'. Discus is also a sport where we
throw a round shaped something-something to something-something. It is also a
sport in Olympics. Maybe discus-hour can also be an Olympic sport sometime in
near future. And we all know who will bring the Gold medal for India.
Sir, Sarabjit’s case involves
serious issues. You have been able to crack each and every detail sitting in
Mumbai, which no other news anchor has been able to do here in Delhi. Let me
tell you sir, they are all fools. They are discussing some technical issues at
this hour. They do not understand that this is the time to shout in their
newsrooms. We can reduce the volume of our TV sets, which is totally fine. I
always do it while watching your show. But sir now that you have an eye for
detail, why do not you proceed to other issues in the same case? You were more
or less repeating the same arguments. Oh, I am so sorry. I just realized what
my ardent Arnab Goswami friend had said. He said, “Saar has reason for
everything. He never daas anythings like thats. He knows alls, but just not
tells alls.” This means you know that we, the Indians, will not understand the
deeper complexity of your brain. That is why you keep the debate superficial.
What a brilliant strategy sir.
Given the fact that Times Now has
just one news-presenter (whose show is watched), I can understand the
tremendous pressure you go through. I even saw the pressure boiled up on issues
related to Kashmir, Pakistanis and Naxalites. All these supporters of human
rights do not understand that you are the biggest brand ambassador of Human
Rights activism. You have gone beyond the traditional Human Rights and have
invented the newer definition. So as far as I understand all those who believe
in Indian jingoism for patriotism are the people with Human Rights. This is
great for this country. This is the shortcut to be the next super power. How
can these leftists be a supporter for super-power nation when they do not even
believe in the state structure? (You know, Marx said that there is no nation
for oppressed. Funny guy, I must tell you! Call him on your show sometime). We
need patriots for a better country. Patriots with jingoism, even better!
We know you are in your 40s now.
But let me tell you sir, you are giving competition to all the bollywood stars
who have entered their 40s. I am sure if Om Shanti Om or Dabangg is aired on
Star Gold at 9 pm that will be a loss to Sallu and SRK. We know the reason why!
I know you were the reason why Govinda had to leave the industry. Two chubby
faced stars in the same ‘entertainment’ industry, not going to happen, sir!
I hope you call me someday to
your show. I know you will love my company and your show will also be a hit
that day. Obviously two people with great sarcasm will make sure that people
enjoy the show. Ah, who cares about the news! Do you?
Sincerely yours,
One among the millions!
First published in YouthKiAwaaz.com on 1st May, 2013
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