Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Letter to Asaram Bapu

Dear Bapu ji,

Kindly accept my greetings. Rest assured, I am not some Congress-waala who has worked his ass off to make a plan against you. They are all such a pain in the ass! I agree with you when you say that it is a conspiracy to give you a bad name. How can thousands, no lakhs, sorry crores of followers be wrong! It is impossible Bapu ji.

To start with, I am fascinated by the fact that you are a ‘Saint’. That’s all for me to believe that you are right. All these media-wala are so funny that they have started making people fall for the conspiracy of Congress, and are making them believe that you are- forgive me- a fraud! Chi-Chi! Dirty fellows; must be Congress supporters.

Bapu Ji, I loved the way you kept all the policemen running around for so many days. I know you were proving the power of Yoga. Let me become a big fellow and I shall make a film on you- Bhagaa Aasa Bhagaa. Milkha Singh’s life is not at all interesting when compared to you. See, it is really hard to reach the spiritual heights of this level and to make your son a Saint too. This was not even possible for our ancient saints. You gave spirituality different heights. And the case against you is so funny- sexual assault! No, I do not mean you cannot perform well; Narain Swamy and the report by medical authorities prove this. Also, I have seen your ‘pravachans’ where you were giving tips on how to become a ‘man’. You know it all Bapu Ji. But imagine a 15-years-old girl, 60 years younger to you, your devotee, and a student at your organization, saying that you molested her! Must be insane. I see a clear conspiracy here, just like the earlier conspiracies of maligning your name in murder and land acquisition cases. Funny people.

My faith in you has increased Bapu ji. All this only proves how important a person you are. A saint must show anger at every possible time, a saint must waste water when the state is facing drought! Stature Bapu ji, stature!

Most amazing are your followers. I have never seen followers so strong that they can start a riot for their Guru Ji, sorry, Bhagwaan ji. I do not know the name of your spokesperson, but that lady deserves respect. I guess her name is Neelam ji. I saw her in a debate with nation’s hero Deepak Chaurasiya. She was so overwhelmed by Deepak that she started speaking profound words for him on national television. She is so attached to you Bapu ji. Can I expect seeing her as a spiritual leader in sometime from now? Given the kind of public we have, we need such spiritual leaders.

I am sure nothing is going to happen to you. How can anything happen to God himself? Naah! I am sure you will be back in action in a few months and you’ll again organise rain dance events during the next drought.

Looking forward to many more interesting events by you on national television.

Cheers for the wonderful era we are living in!
-Your admirer.

This article first appeared in Youth Ki Aawaz on Spetember 3, 2013

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